


You Ready, Luv?

by KFawkes



Series: Oxford Comma [4]
Category: Kingsman (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Kingsman Fusion, Angst and Feels, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst with a Happy Ending, Best Friends, Declarations Of Love, Established Harry Hart | Galahad/Gary "Eggsy" Unwin, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friendship/Love, Kingsman Family, Kingsman Spoilers, Kingsman Training, Kingsman: The Golden Circle Fix-it, Light Angst, Love, Missions, Missions Gone Wrong, Post-Kingsman: The Secret Service, Romantic Fluff, True Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-01
Updated: 2018-01-19
Packaged: 2019-01-07 20:24:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,851
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12240015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KFawkes/pseuds/KFawkes
Summary: You and Eggsy are off on a mission together, and your limits are tested... How far are you willing to go for the man you love?





	1. Chapter 1

“You about ready, luv?” Eggsy asked with a charming smile as he pull his dark gray jacket to place atop his broad shoulders. 

Simply saying that you loved that fucking cheeky smile of his wouldn’t have even started to cover it. To be fair though, there wasn’t really much about him you didn’t admire… Yet, you hadn’t told him that had you? 

No, you hadn’t said those three words to a soul. Ever. Sometimes you wondered why you couldn’t say it or why you couldn’t feel it… but most days you already knew the answer: because love was fucking terrifying and saying it— made it real. 

There was that one part of you though that used to think that maybe you could never actually love anyone as dramatic as that sounds. And for awhile there you wouldn’t let yourself even try. After years of this, you started to think that maybe you were supposed to be alone. That maybe you didn’t have that other half people always talked about…

But then you met Eggsy. 

He showed you that there was more to your life than just living and he made that life worth fighting for. Even that first day you met him, you knew he was a rare kinda human. Maybe you didn’t know the extent of it, but you felt something… something low and cogent. Something you hadn’t felt in years and by the look he sent you— he had felt it too. 

The last nine months with him tumbled by, and fucking hell if you didn’t fall hard.

Being ~~in love~~ with a man like Eggsy was incredible, but it was also frightening… It may have been easy to pretend your feelings weren’t dangerous, but you both knew the risks when you started this and no amount of denial could hide the truth: That you two were on borrowed time. 

Now that you thought about it, it was probably that fear that kept you from saying it out loud...

Or maybe you just didn’t want to jeopardize what you had with words you’d surely choke on while saying. 

“Of course, I am babe.” You said back slyly, pulling his chin towards you for a kiss as you place a playful pat on his behind while he pass. Reminding yourself that you could figure out that depressing shit later...

Merlin cleared his throat rather awkwardly before speaking as he entered the room; holding a clipboard in one hand, his wrist in the other. “If you two are quite finished…” 

In that moment he sounded more irritated than he was and sent you both a soft smile. “Now, I’ll give a full debrief on the way, but what you need to know now is simple: You two get in, you get out and then you blow the bitch… Quickly. Artemis is not there, but you can bet his men will be. Time is of the essence here, Galahad… Tristan.” 

“I’ve done it before, yeah?” Eggsy replied with slight sarcasm a he fasten the first two buttons of his jacket with a brow raised teasingly.

“Just because you’ve done it before, doesn’t mean you’ll do it again. Don’t underestimate your enemy. Ever.” When Merlin finished, he put a hand on Eggsy’s shoulder; his own tone hadn’t been as playful and you noticed he ended rather somberly.

You knew then that Merlin was talking about Harry Hart. You didn’t know the previous Galahad just like you hadn’t known the previous Tristan… They both had died before you became a Kingsman and you and Eggsy owed your positions to those deaths as awful as it sounds. That was sort of just the way the Kingsman worked though. 

Only, things were a little different between Eggsy and Harry you began to realize. It got to the point that you’d heard so much about the man, that you felt like you knew him yourself. There were even times where it made you sad to think how you never would. 

Times like now… where you had to see the man you’d grow to cherish wearing the face he did. 

It twisted your stomach into knots when you thought of how Eggsy must have felt that night, but you both knew Merlin had a point in reminding him. Anything could happen at anytime; you were never really safe from danger... even when you were. 

You hadn’t failed to notice the look he continued wearing and in that moment you wanted nothing more than to hold him. But Merlin was there and the mission was a go— so these signs of affection you almost desperately craved could wait. 

But… he knew you cared about him, didn’t he?

Eggsy nodded to his feet then cleared his throat before talking again this time with more confidence in his voice. “We got it, Merlin.” He tapped his watch to the palm of his other hand a few times before placing it on his wrist. “Just like you said: In n’ out… Plus, my girl’s the best at what she does ain’t ya, luv?” Eggsy smiled at you sweetly, but you could tell he was still feeling anxious.

He didn’t like talking about Harry anymore than you liked how it made him feel; but he had recovered quickly, pressing a kiss to your cheek before turning to load up on other essentials.

You saw the look that Merlin sent you as Eggsy passed though and didn’t like the way it felt low in your stomach… It was almost like he was trying to tell you something. But what?

The ride to the bunker had been quiet aside from Merlin’s final debriefing in your ear. You sat holding Eggsy’s hand in your lap reading the face he wore like a book you had memorized. Most days Eggsy seemed well adjusted to the loss— as much as could be expected after seeing your mentor murdered, that is… but you could see his face now, and you knew what it meant.

Eggsy leaned his cheek to your shoulder after kissing your neck softly. You smiled to yourself as you slid a hand through the side of his hair; scratching his scalp softly. He let a soft purr escape and you couldn’t help but laugh as he lean his head further into your grasp with eyes closed. 

After a moment you placed your lips to his head, hoping he’d understand what you meant to say… The look he sent you proved he had and before your drop he kissed you again. Firm yet tender…strong and passionate. 

Like it might be the last time he would have the chance to do it, and that scared the fucking shit out of you. 

Except you couldn’t worry about that kiss or what it meant then… You had a mission and the mission had to come first. As you made your way past guards and security systems alike you couldn’t stop thinking about it though. You couldn’t shake the feeling that there was something more to it this job, more to that kiss… more to this all.

Was there something you didn’t know? Why was he so… afraid? 

If anything was bothering him still however, he had done his very best to hide it from you. You had to give it to him, he really was good at compartmentalizing as terrible as that sounds. Eggsy just knew how to turn off emotion when he needed to, something you weren’t as good at… 

Your thoughts were so insistent that it took everything you had to stop thinking them and felt yourself growing annoyed at your lack of control. You could think of emotions later, now was the time to get through this... 

Get in. Get out. Blow the bitch. 

The systems thus far hadn’t been difficult, especially for someone as skilled as you were. Eggsy may have liked bragging about you but he was actually kinda right: you really were the best at what you did. 

That paired with the fluidity of your fighting? Well, let's just say the two of you were a fucking force of nature. Each punch and kick perfectly framing each other as you fight alongside dismembering each body that stood in your way with ease. 

Thinking back on it now, you’d always been an excellent team. Even that first group exercise during recruitment you had the kind of chemistry people trained years to perfect.

“Uh, luv? If you got a moment, I could use a bit a help.” Eggsy called lightly from down the hall as he throw a lighter grenade into several men, their pieces flying which way accordingly. 

Thankfully he brought that damn umbrella; managing to open it before he was completely covered in a warm spray of blood and guts.

“You finally learn from the last time?” You yelled back with a laugh, remembering the time he in fact hadn’t been so quick to cover. But by the looks of it, he really could use your help.

At this point you two were hold up by Artemis’ office, deep in the maze of a bunker. You inside hacking the computer with Eggsy down the hall keeping you safe and undisturbed. It’s been about seven minutes of you trying to decrypt this damn thing, and your patience was running out. 

For being the best you sure were taking your sweet time and before long Eggsy’s eyes begged you to hurry it up. 

Artemis had more men than Merlin anticipated and his security measures in this half of the bunker were at least triple the strength of the others. It wasn’t that you couldn’t handle it, of course you could… But as the minutes trickle on, and the bodies keep piling you started to feel strange, like something wasn’t right.

“Babe, not tryna pressure you, but things are gettin’ a little tight round here. Seems a bit like a trap, don’it?” You could hear the apprehension lining his words, and you’d be lying if you denied having the same thought only moments before. “Let’s just forget bout it… Blow the place and scram.”

After a deep swallow you replied, still clicking away as best you could trying to get something— anything off of this fucking computer. It really bothered you to leave a job undone, but sometimes you knew you had to cut your loses and get the fuck out of Dodge. 

“I was gonna say the same thing. This…” You stopped with voice trailing off as you scanned the screen before you, confusion spreading around you like quicksand. 

_What the hell? It… this firewall... it’s changing…_

“Wha's that?” Eggsy called after emptying another clip with ease, putting those years of gymnastic training to use as he dodge bullet and blunt object alike.

“I-I don’t know...” You stumble with nerves bubbling hot, your fingers sliding like spiders across the keys as you fight for control with the system. “S-somethings happening… It’s like— I don’t know, it’s like… i-it’s learning or something—” Now your pulse was raising to match the height of your tone, the real pang of fear settling in around you.

You knew how crazy it sounded, but you had never seen anything like this before… The system itself seemed alive somehow... 

Like it was one step ahead of you from the very beginning, only you just now realized it. Then before your very eyes the numbers and letters shifted, changing into a little red dragon that began flapping its 8 bit wings excitedly.

“Eggy… We need to leave. Now!” You screamed sending your eyes towards him as you hear Merlin through your comms.

“Galahad! Tristan! Get out of there, no—”

You looked up to meet Eggsy's gaze, suddenly feeling the weight of dismay pressing harder against your chest. So hard you almost couldn’t breathe, like the time you were caught in the undertow of the ocean, floating and smashing into the hard sand unable to find the air your lungs screamed for…

The face he sent you was stone and almost expressionless, if not for the terror that you could see poisoning his azure gaze. 

You swallowed as he turned and began running down the hallway towards you, faster than you’d ever seen him run before. Each of his rushed footsteps fell heavy and echoed the chamber of the hallway separating you loudly. 

The moment Merlin cut out, you had tried to run to him… the exact second Eggsy looked at you, you were jumping over the desk knocking each trinket lining it about in a crescendo of clatter. 

But you weren’t fast enough…

Eggsy yelled your name as the door slammed shut, bolting several locks along the edges tightly. 

There was something jarring about the way he called your name though and no matter how many names you yelled or how hard you pounded... nothing helped. 

You were alone. 

Now as the room fill with a olive green gas you think about that kiss… You think about how you’d never told him how much you loved him… How you always just assumed he knew. 

And now, you can't stop thinking about how you were going to die in this room...


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time is running out...

“Oh, god… oh, fuck. Oh, fucking fuck shit— FUCK!” You grumbled anxiously, nearly screaming as the space around your feet fill with soft waifs of smoke. For a second you want to pretend you’re just in the smoky pub down the street from the shop… But you know you’re not.

You know you probably won’t be making it back to that pub anytime soon either. _Sorry Mal, sorry Cate… it was really nice knowing you._

Quickly you pulled your undershirt to cover your nose and mouth as you you scanned the room for a way out. Only there were no windows, and the only vents present were the ones spewing green gas at you with a vengeance. 

But of course there wouldn’t be any windows, and if Artemis built this room as a gas chamber— well you can bet the only vents are gonna be the ones poisoning you.

Everything inside told you to think fast… that you had to get the fuck out of there so you could tell you stupid boyfriend you loved him before it was too late. But your options only faded with each pivot around the room, and you felt those chances dwindling like water slipping between your fingers. 

You couldn’t give up hope though. Not yet… Even though the gas was nearly to your knees now.

So instead you ran around the room frantically pulling books from shelves, knocking plants from their place, pulling paintings off of walls-- tossing everything around you. There had to be something to help you escape; a hatch or a secret door… a fail safe— something. 

Only, there wasn’t a damn thing you could use and now, the gas sat just above your knees.

As your seconds slip and that smog creep further up your thighs you threw your eyes to that door again. Your heart pounding painfully and your temples sweating in fear.

Eggsy was right there… just on the other side of that fucking door. Just— waiting for you. You knew by the look he sent you before the doors bolted that he was mortified. You knew by the tone he yelled your name that he didn’t know what to do either and now you can’t help but wonder if he was really still there after all…

You turned towards the computer breathing harder than you should as the smoke rise around your hips; unable to stop yourself from wondering if he’d left you… If he had, could you really blame him?

There was a part of you that even hoped he had listened to the training… Then he would have been out of this fucking place and at least he would be safe. But something low in your gut told you he’d never leave you... right?

As the smoke stretches up your stomach you begin to really know the bite of fear. The sharp iron taste it gave you… or was that the gas? You’re realizing that you don’t have much time left before you’re knocked out-- that's if this shit doesn't kill you anyway. 

Now is the part where you begin to give in to your fate, realizing it had already been sealed the second you walked through the bunker door. Even as the one locked in here, you had to admit the office was an excellent trap. Whoever was doing this knew the Kingsmen were coming and they were prepared. Maybe they were even the ones to send you two here in the first place… Part of you wondered if this trap was set for you alone and couldn’t help but wonder if any of this had to do with how strange Eggsy and Merlin seemed.

_Stop. You’re acting crazy because you’re about to die right now. Don’t do the thing you always do and sabotage the only fucking good thing you have, kay? Kay._

After the brief reminder you realize the only thing you do know is that you’re royally fucked. As your father would say, 'you got dealt a real bad hand of cards, baby.' Right now, you know you should be thinking of a way to get out— a way to turn that shitty hand into a winning one. That you should be putting your fucking training to use, but all you can worry about is whether or not Eggsy knew you loved him… Whether you’d see him again or ever have the chance to choke on the words you’d never said.

You wish instead of feeling fear that you could just think about his smile, or the first time he kissed you outside the tailor shop. Hell, you’d even relive the crappy times if it meant you could get out of here in one piece. If it meant you could just watch one more shitty action movie with him… 

But the smoke is floating around your chest now and as you watch it rise you know you have less than 60 second left of lucidity. You don’t know why but for some reason you turned for the computer, grabbing either side of the monitor-- shaking it fiercely. Watching that little dragon flap its wings almost as if it was taunting you. 

Maybe the little shit was. But in that moment you remembered that dragon… where… where had you— s-een it?

Now the smoke is pressing at your neck while it tickle at your nose… You’re starting to feel strange like everything is light and you’re almost floating in that olive green cloud. Yet somehow your limbs are heavy, like you’d been filled to the brim with wet sand. And in that moment the feeling of salted water filling your lungs came rushing back.

You want to stay awake, you want to breath fresh air into your tired lungs… to fight. But you know you can’t. 

And now you can’t even open your eyes without seeing the thick green closing in around you. You can hardly move your legs and all you want to do is rest… 

You throw heavy hands to the desk feeling your wrists tremble beneath the unsteadiness of you elbows as you sink…. lower and lower until your face is flat on the desk. All you can see through the fog is that damn dragon flapping its fucking wings at you. 

Deep in your pool of emerald you know whatever happens next is likely to be the end... Your eyes fight the pull of sleep as you slide to the ground the last thing you feel is regret.

The last thing you see is Eggsy and the last thing you hear is Merlin reminding you that you were never really safe… even when you were. 

\--------------------

**(Eggsy P.o.V)**

He probably would have been better at controlling the tone he’d taken had he not felt his whole world crumbling around him. Maybe he could control the thoughts that ran rampant through the jungle of his mind if he knew what the outcome would be. 

Maybe he could focus or be able to breathe if he just fucking knew whether or not he would see you again… Whether or not that would actually be the last time he kissed you, or smelled your skin… Whether his last words to you would have been ‘Wha’s that?’ and not ‘I fucking love you.’

That’s the thing though... he didn’t know.

He didn’t know if you were alive or dead and that thought alone was enough to shatter whatever composure he had glued together earlier in the day. “Merlin! What the fucks happenin’?” 

The voice he used was panicked, pleading even as he pace the space of the door you were locked behind. There were still men accosting him from the end of the narrow hallway, only now there was a loud siren and dull lights echoing around him as he fight. But even in his fevered panic he crushed each man that dared cross his path with ease. 

“It’s hard to say…” 

“What the fuck d'you mean ‘it’s hard to say’… she’s alright, ain’t she?” This is the part where he fills with fear as he press his back to the cold metal door you’re pinned behind. In that moment he knows just what Merlin is going to tell him to do… 

“Galahad, you need to calm down, and get back to the car... Remember your training, follow protocol.”

Training said to get back to the rendezvous point when something like this happened. 

Protocol said to have backup before attempting a rescue mission, even of this nature. 

He knew his training and what rules he was meant to follow, he even knew why they were rules in the first place: to save lives. To stop impulsivity and hopefully ensile some lessons about patience or the importance of planning. The recklessness of an emotional mind.

And usually? He wouldn’t have a problem following his training or obeying his orders. He really did know those rules were set for a reason, because they _had_ saved lives... because they would keep saving lives.

But he didn’t give a two shits because none of those lives in question had been yours. 

He knew it wasn’t his responsibility to protect you, that you could take care of yourself easy— but he wanted to keep you safe and he knew that the two of you would always be better as a pair than you’d ever be apart.

“Oh, just fuck off with protocol, will ya?” It was a question— technically, but he surely didn’t present it that way. Knowing he was overstepping the rules of seniority wasn’t enough to stop him though and he continued heatedly. “You expect me to leave her then, yeah?” 

He knew the fucking protocol, but was Merlin really suggesting that he leave you?

“Galah—“

“Just walk away? You really suggestin’ I let her die?” He interrupted again, a sea of terror filled anxiety flushing and surrounding him like a tornado of wasps as his voice raise an octave louder. 

Something told him that if he left you… that if he left even for a second it would be too late, and he was not about to let that happen. 

Not to you. Not after everything you’d been through or after everything you’d done for him. 

It’s about now that he wishes he told you just how precious you were to him… how you even saved him, as cheesy as it sounds.

It wasn’t until he met you that he realized how hard losing Harry had been for him. He had drank himself nearly to death for a couple weeks there, even started random brawls with strangers just trying to feel something else. He wanted to be the man Harry knew he could, but he only fell short every time.

The worst part of it all was that he still remembered everything about that day. The way Harry lost control of his body and murdered all those people… The color of Harry's suit and what hat he himself had been wearing. He even remembered what it looked like when Valentine pulled the fucking trigger. God did he remember it all, and for weeks it haunted him. It haunted his days and nights alike with no prejudice whatsoever and it was relentless.

But one day just like any other, you were brought in as a potential recruit; and he never told you this but he thought you were the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen. Now as he panic sinking deeper into dissociation, he wish he had.

It was weird because that first time he locked eyes with you, he could have sworn you’d be his as crazy as that sounds. But he just knew… 

He had only been named Galahad for just over a month, and was assigned to be your trainer. Actually he was the one that asked you to pull the trigger that final day— sending you a smile when at first you wouldn’t. He didn't tell you it was a blank, but he hoped his eyes had.

And he was the one to fall arse over tit in love with you along the way. 

It was more than love though, he needed you. Sure, he could probably function without you like he 'functioned' without Harry… but why should he have to? Why chose a life that didn’t have you in it? Why leave when he could save you...

“Eggsy, please... Will you just listen to me?” Merlin was soft when he spoke, and even kinder as he continued. “I’m not suggesting you leave her. Never.” He was understanding and in that moment it seemed like he realize how serious you two actually were. You weren’t just some silly fling or some harmless fun Eggsy was having… it was real. “But if you want to save her, you need to focus. Tell me exactly what happened before you were separated.”

After drawing in a long breath, basking in the break of fighting and his own paranoia he run his hands through his hair replaying it all. “She was workin’ on that git’s computer, yeah? And then… I don’t know, somethin’ upset her— she was goin’ on bout the system actin' all strange… ” His voice trailed off. 

The more he thought about it, the more he realized just how off everything had been. “It was all a trap, Merlin… From the very fuckin’ beginning— I told you somethin’ wasn’t right.”

After a second Merlin replied, his voice was stern but lined with apathy. “I should have listened to you… I’m sorry.”

He could tell that Merlin meant it and in that moment all the anger he had felt disappeared. Now all that lingered was the thick weight of regret. “If I lose her ‘cause of this, I won’t forgive you.”

Merlin sighed heavily into his mic before finishing, his tone dark and matching Eggsy’s own. “I wouldn’t either.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part two! yay! Hope you like it, :) I'm still doing some shit so expect probably 1-2 more chapters as well on this bad boy. Thanks for reading!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! Thanks so much for being patient on this, I had so much feedback and requests for this to continue I was REALLY wanting this to be good for you all, so hopefully it delivers! I can say though, this is turning out to be a LOT longer than I had intended it hahah <3

You walked through that door holding your breath hoping you weren’t about to be one of those girls that got themselves murdered by the strange man you'd just met… Realistically, you knew that wasn’t going to happen... Probably. 

Part of you even had an idea on what to expect in there, but mostly you were just really nervous. It wasn’t everyday that you were asked to join a recruitment program for becoming a special agent, was it? 

No, it really wasn't... at least not for you and you couldn't figure out why you were even invited in the first place. Yeah, you were smart, ran track, had stellar grades and high test scores— you were a computer genius and had been offered several scholarships in high school… but you had no military experience whatsoever. Zero. Not only that but there was never any part of you that wanted to be a cop, or anything of that nature— so… why?

This wasn’t the time to think about it though, because those question should have been asked before you followed the bald man into underground facility beneath a fucking tailor shop… 

As you entered the room you saw you’d been the last to arrive, which wasn’t a surprise at all considering your track record. Each pair of eyes slid to you as you stepped through cautiously, choosing to look everywhere but their faces. It was a large room with concrete floors and only a singular one-way mirror. The walls were lined with twin sized cots, and there was a full bathroom far in the back. It looked a hell of a lot like those training compounds in those military movies your dad watched… But of course it did. 

Your brows lowered as you finished drinking in your surroundings realizing this all was real and not some elaborate hoax or reality show. Deep down a part of you knew all along that it was, but seeing was different to whatever your imagination could muster. 

So far you hadn’t looked to any of the faces you felt scanning you up and down. But as you reach the small group of candidates you found yourself drawn towards a silvery blue pair. When those eyes locked with yours you felt a shutter in the depths of your stomach; it was entrenching and tenacious, and felt the way it does when you were about to go down a rollercoaster… 

Whoever this man was that was staring at you— let’s just say calling him attractive was one of the biggest understatements you could think of when describing him. He was tall and broad shouldered, had a jawline so perfect it was almost irritating, and his smile lit like fucking explosions. Fuck, if that smile didn’t make you tingle in more places than one…

As you stoped walking he met you, putting his hand out for you to shake- not breaking your gaze once. The way he looked at you was fervent, and it honestly felt like a fucking Disney movie or somethin just as cheesy. As his hand closed around yours, you had the strangest feeling that somehow you already knew him… That you'd already loved him... That you'd been pressed against his body in the middle of the night with hurried breaths and deliberate movements... 

That strange familiarity was a too little much for you to focus on right now, so instead you cleared your throat returning his smile without hesitation. 

"Was late my first day, too..." He smiled wider, and as you watched his eyes you knew you’d done this before. You remembered this exact moment... “Eggsy. Eggsy Unwin.”

As you look into those azure eyes in confusion, the room started filling with a deep green smoke… 

It was floating in light waves, creeping across the floor swimming towards you. For some reason you aren’t moving though, and you know something isn't right. No one else even seems to see it climbing closer though; and it's so light and sneaky you wonder if maybe you were just imagining it. Could this all be part of some test you could swear you remembered was coming?

When you look down, Eggsy is still holding your hand softly- just like you were his, sliding his thumb softly over the back of your hand and it feels right. When you looked to his face though, he wasn't smiling anymore. He was just staring at you, and no matter how hard you tried to read that face you didn't know what he was trying to say. 

You didn’t know what else to do, so you closed your eyes tightly for a moment. When you opened them again, the smoke was gone but you weren’t in that facility anymore. You were standing in your old apartment and everything was exactly the same as it was before you left that life over a year ago. Each plant and piece of art was the same. Each pile of clothing and even your messy stack of books and unwashed dishes.

_Knock, Knock, Knock_

And you know that knock isn’t real- that it couldn’t be… but you decided to go to it anyway because you also know that you’d been here before... Somehow. That all of this had already happened, and as open the door you knew exactly who would be standing there.

Eggsy.

But, how did you know? What was this… what was happening to you? You were in a bunker... you were on a computer... but, why?

“Hey… What’s up? Do you… need something?” You asked but your voice wasn’t troubled, and as the words left your lips you knew you’d already said them before. 

“Nah… don’t need nothin’. Jus thought you might want some company s’all…” Eggsy replied softly with his brows twisted somberly as he shove his hands deep into his sweater pockets. 

He was wearing that flashy plaque sweater he loved so damn much, and that freakishly white hat of his… Just like all other times the way his eyes held on yours made you weak and you felt yourself almost getting lost in that sea.

“I don’t know if that’s a good idea, Eggy…” You confessed just like you knew you would; your gaze unwavering. 

But after a second you stepped to the side holding the door wider for him, because you really did want some company... more specifically you wanted his. As he passed you swallowed anxiously, feeling those bubbles popping low in your belly while the sweet smell of his skin drifted by. “But, this isn’t— we can’t do this.”

Eggsy didn’t look to you at first, but when he turned he let out a deep breath shaking his head confidently, “Why not?” his voice was quiet and his eyes were poised wistfully as he take a cautious step towards you once more. 

You already knew where this was going… How it ended. You’d done it before, and you honestly did know you weren't there. You knew you were somewhere else... locked, trapped... but, where? 

But instead of trying to figure it out you continued playing your part; reciting your lines perfectly. “You know why.”

“I don’t tho, do I? Wouldn’t be here if I did.” Eggsy slid his tongue to wet his lips as he pulled part of his lower lip in, chewing it anxiously now transfixing his eyes on yours. 

“Because… it’s dangerous. This,” You accentuated pointing between the two of you hurriedly as you try to ignore the eyes he made at you, already knowing you couldn’t… that you wouldn’t. That you didn’t even want to.

“Course it is. It’d that way even without Kingsman.” You watched as he swallowed running a hand along that perfect jawline lightly the way you'd seen him do it thousand times before.

Everything in you wanted to say yes… to grab and kiss him, but you knew it wasn’t time somehow. There was more that needed to happen first… More that needed to be said and done. 

You remembered it all, didn’t you? Where were you... no, where _are_ you?

“This isn’t just some normal risk we’re taking here, Eggsy… This, what we do? It’s not normal. You can’t expect we could just have a normal relationship— like we don’t put our lives at stake or almost die every day.” You said again, delivering your line just as you were meant to. “Like we don’t have people that would use this against us…”

You wanted nothing more than to be with him, and part of you knew that you already were in spite of all this. But the unease you felt at the thought of losing him was stronger than your desire to be his was. And you couldn't risk it... you couldn't risk him.

As you watch Eggsy take another step towards you, you knew this had been the moment that all changed. You remembered it... this was the moment you chose him over safety. The moment you chose a chance to love over fear... The moment you set the timer that ticked slowly by ever since.

When he reached you his eyes were more burdened than you remembered and you knew something was wrong. Well, more wrong... Like what was happening now from this point on was different; like it hadn't happened yet. That's when you noticed something out of the corner of your eye... your monitor had a tiny red dragon flapping its wings in the center of the otherwise dark screen. Where had you seen that before?

You couldn't think about it for long though because the intermission was over and Eggsy was waiting for your delivery from little under a foot away. He parted his lips to speak, but nothing came out… Your eyes danced between his and for the first time you couldn’t remember what happened next... for the first time, you didn't know what to say, and now you couldn't stop thinking about that fucking dragon...

“I'll never stop lovin’ you… not ever.” Eggsy slid his hand to your cheek, rubbing your cheek softly with his thumb, and you closed your eyes pushing into the embrace you missed so much now.

But you knew this wasn’t right… That this wasn’t what happened that night. You knew there was no fucking dragon, that Eggsy had never told you he loved you, _ever_ \-- let alone in this room. Just like you’d never told him… 

“You ready, luv? Bout time you woke up now, innit?” He finished sending you a doleful smile as he leaned in kissing you softly. 

After a moment he let you go, still holding you softly between his warm hands. That part did happen before, you were sure of it... but now you were standing in Artemis’ office and there was smoke everywhere around you. “Go on then, open your eyes…”

And then suddenly… you did.

You gasped heavily pulling in mouthfuls of fresh air feeling a bright white surround you; offering both comfort and distain like a blanket. You didn’t know what the hell any of that was, but it was more than a little daunting. 

And in that instant you missed Eggsy so damn much… 

You’d of loved to keep thinking about how terribly you wanted to kiss that cheeky smile of his again, or the way you wanted to wrap your arms around him… To press against him and finally tell him how ardently you loved him. 

But it was a little too late for any of that, wasn't it? Because right now you started to realize you can’t move at all; that you were strapped to a chair or something just as ominous and frankly fucking creepy. That pulling at the restraints was doing absolutely nothing, and that no amount of struggling was break you free from your cage. 

“Well now… hello there.” A voice called almost singsongy from the corner pulling your face about hurriedly in search of the body it was attached to.

You couldn’t see who it was though, no matter how far you contorted your neck in search— but it was a mans voice, that much you knew. Each of your hectic turns only confused you further, and you could hardly see where you were at all now. The light was too bright and there was a dull ringing bouncing around in your skull that made even simple tasks like breathing difficult.

“What t—the fu…” You tried talking but a wave rushed your senses and for a moment you couldn’t see at all anymore, not even that bright light. Each sound around you went black like a thick fog washed over you, encasing you in its numbing silence. 

“Honestly, I really am sorry about all that… It's a bit dramatic, I know.” He spoke with grim undertones pulling you back to the present, but his words were coated sweet with honey. “But, I need Unwin to be— well,” He paused and you could hear him clap his hands together once behind you, echoing the chamber of the room. “let’s just say I need him desperate-- reckless if you will.” 

The room was finally coming back to you and you started to make out just where you are. Part of you thought you’d been moved somewhere, taken to a lab or something similar because wherever you were felt more like a hospital than anything else. But you hadn’t been moved at all… You were still in the same damn room as before, only now you were tied to this fucking chair and you had the worst headache of the century. 

The man walked towards you finally sporting a smile just as wide as it was ominous. He had at least two golden caps decorating his otherwise pearly teeth and his hair was white as snow. Now you started to realize just who the man is, even though it should have been obvious from the beginning… 

_Artemis._

The man whose base you’d been assaulting for the last… however long you’d been there. Now as he creep snakily towards you, you can’t help but wonder how long you’d actually been in there. It didn’t feel like long— a few hours max, but how would you really know? It could have been hours… days. 

But even with the uncertainty of it all polluting your thoughts sharply, all you could really focus on was what Artemis said about Eggsy… 

Your brows lowered to a heavy line as you glare into him utterly unable to form words. You felt your pulse elevating harder and faster as it began echoing in your ears so loudly you could feel each thump rumbling throughout your body. 

It was senseless, and you knew it… but all you could do was beg the universe that Eggsy would be alright. That he’d just left you there... You hoped he had followed protocol and gone to get backup and more weapons... Or even sent anyone else less emotionally attached to this-- _to you_ in… 

Someone this fucker didn’t want. 

It terrified you.. because up until that look Eggsy sent you as the door bolted, you’d never have doubted his ability to stay focused. His ability to compartmentalize… To do what needed to be done. You’d seen him turn off emotion so many times when he needed to that you pegged him as an expert. But when that door separated you two, you saw something in that beryl gaze you never had before…

Something eerie and persistent that rang in the back of your mind like an insistent bell. That look scared you even more when you thought about what Artemis said… _‘I need him reckless…’_

Just what was he going to do to him? Why? Who the fuck was this man... really?

The more you thought about it as you glare at this prick before you, the more you realized that Eggsy would never leave you… ever. And now? Whatever happened next would be your fault… Because you knew-- god you knew from the very beginning that you could have prevented this. No matter how much you loved him a part of you always knew this was coming. Even that first night Eggsy came to your apartment wearing that fucking blinding white hat, you knew... You knew the clock you set would ring eventually, ready to collect its due.

“What are you gonna do to him…”

Artemis didn't answer you at first, he just crossed his arms as he tilted his head slightly almost playing with you while a wide sinister smile spread his face. "You'll see."

Now is where you realized that borrowed time you worried about had finally run out.


	4. Chapter 4

_You’re with Eggsy and everything is quiet… You can smell him and feel him, and you’re sure that he’s real. There’s so much you want to say to him but, you stay completely silent. You don’t tell him how much he means to you because, well, you never do. You always just assumed he could tell. That he just knew…_

_Now, you’ll never be able tell him that his smile is what keeps you going._

_Now, you’ll never be able to tell him that his laugh alone could brighten even your darkest of days._

_When you looked at him now as he sit quietly besides you, he smiled that cheeky grin you'd grown to know as yours; and you knew wholeheartedly that you loved him._

_You’d known for awhile now though, hadn’t you? And as you scan those azure eyes and that perfect jawline, you wondered why you couldn’t just say it… Why couldn’t you just… tell him?_

_Only, you already know you hadn't told him because you’ve always been too afraid. You’ve always been a coward, and now you wished you had the guts when it mattered… And you realized that there was something worse than loving, and that was losing it._

_Having it taken… ripped—_

“You in there?”

Now you’re beginning to realize you weren’t with Eggsy at all… That you had been off in some hallucination of a seemingly perfect night you'd had months ago. You looked around, and you realized you were still locked in that damn room with this toothy son of a bitch. Whatever was in that gas really messed with your mind— bad, and you didn’t like how it felt one bit.

“Where did you go?” Artemis asked with curiously lining his voice, once again reminding you how stuck you really were. 

“Doesn’t matter… I think you were in the middle of threatening me?” You asked pointedly avoiding his question as best you could. You were hoping for strong, but you feared you looked more weak than anything. “I think it was something like…’You’ll see’?” When you replied your voice was just above a whisper. “This is getting boring, Artemis. Get on with it.”

You knew right then that being a bitch wasn’t your best bet, but you felt a fire light and could hardly control the words leaving your lips. Your mind moved a mile a minute, overlapping with question after question: All of them pressing against your temples as your pulse elevated with each short breath in. But instead of asking any of them, you were silent— like you always were, watching the way his chest rose and fell trying to figure out the best way to play this game.

“Your little boyfriend, Galahad, has made quite a few enemies, hasn't he?” Artemis narrowed his eyes as he half sat on his desk; crossing his feet at the ankles. He tilted his head slowly, leaning forward to point at you with the smallest smirk spread tightly over his thin lips. “There are many that want to see him dead… But there are some that would pay a lot more just to see him suffer.”

There it was. 

The fear. Biting you sharply; sinking its fangs in as a inky poison spread into the wound. No matter how hard you tried, you couldn’t keep the terror from slipping across your face.

You wanted to ask who, but you weren’t looking to get laughed at. There was no way he would tell you anything you could use, and if he did— you knew that conversation would likely end in death.

You also sort of already knew the answer… Everyone and also no one at all.

With how many missions you two had been on these last 9 months, and the types of people you usually went against— the options were almost endless.

That uneasy golden smile spread showing you once more how dangerous being with Eggsy could be. 

You may have loved him silently in attempts to make things appear less serious than everyone knew they were— but deep down you knew you weren’t fooling anyone. 

Here's where the guilt kicks back in... You start asking yourself questions like how could you be so stupid. How could you be so damn careless and how could you have been so fucking selfish? 

It didn’t matter what you said or did, because ultimately Artemis laughed at you anyway. And as that maniacal laugh taunted your sanity it reminded you that this all could have been prevented.

There hadn't been a day that passed where you didn't wonder if that mission would be it... the one that ruined it all. The big fat 'I told you so', when someone got smart enough, and finally played this card. You had imagined a million and one scenarios, but this wasn't even close to those and now as it taunt you, you didn’t know what to do.

Artemis shook his head at you, sending out the universal sound of disapproval as he walked to the bolted door. He raised his hand and began tapping his knuckle to the metal with a few hollow thuds. “You actually love that bloke don’t you…”

You didn’t have to say a word for him to read the answer written across your face. 

“Good...” He pushed his hands together before his chest, rubbing them excitedly. “I think we better get things going, don’t you? For this next part… I’m going to need your help.”

And now it was your time to laugh... did this idiot seriously think you’d just agree to help him?

But after a second the way he eyed you like a toy shook you to your core and showed you that he did. A cold chill spread over you instantly, freezing you in place as your laugh died in your throat.

“Let’s get one thing clear here, Artemis… You can do anything you want to me, but I will never help you.” Your words came out as dark and threatening as you could muster, and you hoped it was enough. And you meant it, there was no limit to the amount of torture you would endure if it meant keeping Eggsy safe. 

You’d die before you’d let anything happen to that man… Now you realize, you probably will.

“Thought you might say that, and honestly I wouldn’t mind having some fun with you. But my— let’s call her my partner.” When he started again his tone insinuated in a whisper. “Well, she wants things done a certain way, so it really is best for everyone that things go according to plan.” 

“I don’t fucking care about your partner, or what she wants. She can go fuck herself.” You growled spitting on the ground at his feet. It was a bit much considering you’d never done that sort of thing before, but you just sort of acted and honestly no limit was too low for you right now.

Artemis just laughed at you again before looking to his feet with a face full of disgust. A second later he raised his hand and slammed it into your cheek; you felt the popping as your skin split, followed by the warm beed of blood trailing your cheek. To be perfectly honest it’d been awhile since you’d been hit that hard, but you didn’t show him him that.

“Sorry… but I really,” He lied rather poorly making a face while he eye his shoe unhappily. “really hate germs.” 

You watched as he raised a hand, snapping his finger to the side. Within a second a mechanical piece popped forward from the wall, then slid up revealing a narrow walkway.

A tall thin woman walked out, bent down and wiped anywhere you’d spit without saying a word. The room was completely silent aside from the soft clicking of her heels followed by the hissing of the door pulling down; sealing shut once more behind a seamless wall.

There was a part of you that knew you should have been paying more attention to that woman, to what she looked like— where she was going. But with a brain still full of smog, and a mouth nearly bursting with questions you barely remembered a thing about her.

“Now… where was I?” When Artemis spoke this time, he sounded almost confused as he squint his eyes; searching the back of his lids for direction. 

After a literal ‘Ah ha!’ moment he started again, but there was something strangely casual about his voice now. That tone was more unnerving than his creepy fucking smile had been.

“Oh, right… I was just about to show you what your darling Galahad has been up to while you've been sleeping. Are you interested?”

Just at the mention of Eggsy’s codename you felt a flicker low in your gut. Your eyes sent a soft twinge and you wanted to scream in his face, but instead you swallowed down the lump forming in your throat as you stare at him unwaveringly. 

“Who am I kidding, of course you do. You are probably just worried sick, aren’t you?” Artemis turned to the computer placing his hand over on the tiny dragon on the screen; pressing a certain combination with his fingertips across its 8bit body. 

You tried to watch… to remember the combination— but you could hardly focus on anything at all. How would you be expected to remember this if you couldn’t even remember what color hair the woman had? 

When Artemis finished two more screens slid up from the desk and began projecting various areas of the base. At first you didn’t want to look because you knew this was all a game to him and by looking; you were letting him win in a way. But once you heard Eggsy’s voice echoing through the speaker you couldn’t help but dart towards it almost desperately.

_'I gotta get her outta there, but I'm fucked, Merlin...'_

And there he was… in the middle of a screen standing in some control room. The walls was lined in tall conduits with large monitors and machines attached to them. Eggsy seemed to be locked in while he type away at the center consoles and when you slid your eyes to the other screen you saw just what he was hiding from.

“My men have been waiting for awhile now… They’re getting pretty bored, if you can imagine. But they’re good dogs, just waiting for me to give them the go ahead. And if I don’t tell them, well, they go anyway after about— five minutes now." He paused looking at you almost apologetically. "Oh, I’ve really been wasting your time...” 

This is the part where confusion sets its root, and all you can see is a big fat timer counting down from five. But you watched with anxiety resting under your bust as Artemis drew your attention to a few areas on the screen besides Eggsy. “You see these? I like to call them Billows… These little guys are something I came up with. They act sorta like a bomb— in a way. But instead of causing a great big fiery explosion, they sends out a wave,”

Artemis pointed to another few small black dots on the screen as he smile wildly at you; and now your heart is pounding so fast you can hardly separate one thump from the last. 

“Sort of like— an ultrasonic wave it you will. They’re petty small, but they pack a big punch and they just-” He slammed his hands together in a loud bang while making a loud popping noise; causing you to jump in the seat you were strapped to. “It’s veeeery messy, and honestly we’d rather not have to do all that. Galahad is very important to this whole thing, and our success depends almost entirely on his making it out of here with you. But, ultimately you get to decide..." 

Artemis exhaled still holding a smile as he pushed a hand forward signaling your choices in his hands. "What's it gonna be?” He made a loud rumbling sound mimicking an explosion not moving his eyes from yours as he continue. "Or... do you want to go home? Back to your perfect life with your perfect boyfriend, and your perfect dog..."

The way he ended was far too good to be true. There was no way Artemis was just going to let you walk out of here like nothing had happened. This had to be some kind of trick, another trap, something.

“Bullshit.” You called, not believing him for a second. But… you also didn’t want to watch Eggsy turn into a fucking omelet in about 4 minutes; So there was a part of you that you couldn’t stop from continuing. “There's no way you're letting us leave... just like that.”

“I can see why you’d say that. In your position— it’s not really that believable. But you don’t really have any other choice, do you? And time is ticking...”

Now you couldn’t believe your thoughts, but you wanted to ask Artemis what exactly he wanted from you… How much was it going to cost to get Eggsy out of there. The worst part was that you almost didn't care what it might be.

“Wh… what do you want?” When you finished Artemis muted the computer turning towards you with a smile more chilling than the last; and immediately you missed the sound of Eggsy's voice.

Your eyes were glued to that screen, each second Eggsy’s mouth moved inaudibly brought you closer to giving in… It was somewhere around 3 minutes now, and you watched painfully as his lips moved— cursing up a storm no doubt. You watched as he slid a hurried hand through his hair, panicking and pleading with who you could only assume was Merlin… His face pulled somewhere between confusion and distress while he try everything he could to get out of this mess.

God, he looked so… scared. And as you feel the seconds slipping away like sand, you realized you two never even stood a chance. 

This plan was perfect. Whoever the hell set all of this up knew you— and they knew Eggsy. They knew he’d never leave you, they knew you’d do whatever you had to for him… And now, they were going to win.

As those seconds passed you felt a hopelessness cascading under your skin viciously, pulling you down until you were stuffed in the ground. Buried 6 feet and losing air... and you knew what you had to happen: You had to play your part. “What do you need me to do…”

Artemis released a relieved sigh, still sporting that mischievous smile as he answered you. “We just need you to drink this, that's all. I mean... we could force it down your throat. But— it's important that you do it willingly.” 

You watched in near awe, trying to understand his words as he reached into his jacket pocket, pulling out a thin blue vial; tilting it back and forth in the light. 

“Wh… what is it?” 

But part of you didn't even care what it was or what it might do yo you... As long as Eggsy was okay after all this you'd pay whatever price you had to. You owed it to him after all, didn't you?

“It won’t kill you… Honest.” Artemis reminded you with another smile, holding the vial out to you once more. A second later he scoffed, rolling his eyes while he signal to your bound arms. “Guess I should untie you first.” 

It was strange how nonchalant he acted, and you watched him as you would a spider making its way across the floor. He let out another loud snap to the side as the woman appeared once again through the mechanical clockwork. This time you could see her face… and you could tell she was absolutely not human. 

She looked human— sort of. But, there just was something wrong about her; uncanny... wrong. And those eyes. They were a bright silver; far too silver to be natural and your own eyes widened in disbelief as she untied each of your arms carefully.

A moment later you pulled your wrist between your other hand, rubbing the rawness away as you stare up at the both of them under furrowed brow. Your instincts kicked in and you jumped up ready to fight your way out of this mess— but before you even pushed yourself from the chair; the woman shot her leg straight out and into your chest, pinning you back to the chair painfully with a sharp heel. 

There was no way the force you felt came from a human— So what the fuck was she? No matter how hard you pulled at the heel that punctured deeply into your shoulder; it didn’t budge. You started to feel as the warm blood slide down your chest; ticking you as Artemis lean forward dangling the vial before your eyes.

“You’ve got about a minute now, Tristan…”

Now you realized that you were not going to get out this, and that in about 60 seconds Eggsy would be blasted to shit... That was if Artemis wasn't lying, of course. But something deep told you he wasn't the type as strange as that sounds.

“You take this, you drink it down like a good girl,” He emphasized, pressing the vial towards you. “or I kill him, then lock you in with his bits and pieces until you starve to death.”

You grabbed the vial forcefully, staring down at it as your hands tremble ferociously at your choices. Clearly he wasn't playing nice anymore, and now it was hard to keep those warm tears from slipping. You looked at the monitor one last time as the sharp pang in your chest rumbled. “What will it do to me…”

“Times running out… luv.” Artemis said far too pointedly to be accidental as he signaled over his shoulder to the screen Eggsy decorated. 

You watched the man you loved as the seconds ticked away… this was it and the dread was so heavy that it ached in your chest and you thought for sure you’d get sick from the pressure alone. 

But then, you just knew what you had to do. You sort of always knew though, didn’t you? 

So you lifted the vial to your lips, tiled your head back and swallowed whatever that shit was in one quick gulp; gripping the vial tightly between your fingers when you finished. It tasted like metal, and was cold as ice as it slid down your throat. You could even feel a coating lining the way to your stomach, and that thought was almost too much for you to handle.

Moments later you felt a sharp prickle over your entire body as you looked to your hands, your body filling with sharp pressing fear… if this wasn’t going to kill you, then what was it going to do? 

“Wh…what’s happening— to me?” You felt the coldness encase you, spreading up your throat as the room began fading to black. Flashes of light and Artemis’ smile blurred together and sometimes you could even see Eggsy in there.

You felt as the woman, or whatever she was— slide her heel from your chest and in that moment you were sure you would vomit from the pain. The ache threw your chest forward towards your legs as you press your hand to the wound strenuously. 

When you looked up with heavy eyes, you expected to see Eggsy on the screen… but you only saw flashes of that stupid fucking dragon flapping its wings most happily behind the bastard before you. The rest of the room looked exactly how it had before you were gassed now too... everything you'd knocked over was put back perfectly. Anything that broke was pieced back together... It looked like nothing happened at all.

“Wh… whadid…”

“Another something I made just for you, Tristan…” Artemis cooed, and you could sort of see the woman walking through the door; her arms full of the bindings that had once held you to the chair and several broken trinkets.

“Don’t worry, you’ll be alright— just like I promised… But you won’t remember any of this. You won’t remember meeting me, or talking to me… you wont even know what you’ve done until it’s too late.” He whispered malevolently— those words echoing around you until they were a part of you. Rumbling through and through as you fought with the darkness that called your name so sweetly.

“We will see you soon very soon.” Artemis’ voice traveled as if on air, and you could barely make out his footsteps as he retreated through the door. 

And then… he was gone. The door was gone and it looked just like a normal wall… it looked just like a normal room. Everything was perfect. 

For half a second you wondered if maybe you’d just made it all up… that the gas had just mixed your brain and you were hallucinating like before… Only the dull pang in your chest and the bright red blood reminded you otherwise. 

Reminded you of a choice between this vial and Eggsy, and you pleaded with yourself to just focus. To hold onto that bottle, and to any bit of information you could...

But as the seconds dwindle away you’re not sure what to think anymore and you can’t shake the feeling that you’re starting to forget something... Something very important… If only you could just focus, then maybe you could remember what you're not supposed to forget...

Except it's hard to focus with the room fading into darkness... and it was hard to remember with a thick fog creeping in through your mouth and nose; erasing things it doesn't want you to know...

And as you look to that fucking dragon one last time... You watched a bright golden circle flicker behind its wings before they both faded away; leaving you in complete darkness.

Cold, empty... darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh jeez!!! I'm gettin myself deep. I keep being like... WRAP THIS UP. But then I start this crazy stuff and start reworking shit and here we are now lol.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You wake up knowing something is wrong, with only one thing on your mind: Eggsy. 
> 
> You can't shake the feeling that you've forgotten something important... that time is running out. That something is terribly wrong.
> 
> But... what?

It’s bright, too fucking bright, and something feels wrong… no everything feels wrong. Yet somehow everything is familiar, like you’d been here before, done it before… had you?

Your head hurts something fierce, but it’s worse just between your temples. It’s dull, and sharp at the same time, and your entire body feels cold. It’s like there’s ice water pumping through your veins instead of blood, and you can’t help but let the shiver begging for release free; creeping further and further over your lips like tree sap, and you can feel it taking root...

It’s sickly, and wet, and it reminds you of that day on the beach… the day you almost drowned. You can’t help but think about the way the seaweed felt wrapped around your neck, and arms, and in an instant you can almost feel it twisting like a snake again— pulling until you’re completely submerged, and then suddenly you’re trapped in that room. 

Wait…room? No, that’s not right… 

You’re trapped under the current like you were on the beach that day, and just like then; you’re drowning. Hitting the sand hard as cement while the muffled bubbles swim past your ears taunting you, and you know this is it. 

Your air was up… or was it time you’d finally ran out of?

You know deep down that you’re not underwater at all, really you do… You know that you hadn’t been in the ocean since that day. You know deep down that you can breathe, that you’re alive and alright… but you can’t seem to shake that feeling, and at the end of your searching was only one thing hidden in the darkness.

“Eggsy.”

Your eyes shot open as you pressed from the stiffness of the bed, but your body fought you, jerking to a halt as a sharp pang spread from your shoulder. “Gah— what the fuck!” you closed your eyes tightly, cursing under your breath several more times, pressing the palm of your hand firmly to the wound, wondering where the fuck it came from, voicing your confusion aloud. “Where..?” 

Now you realize you have no memory of the last day at all. Or… however long had passed. Slowly you slid your hand forward, your palm shining back in a rose of your own blood… the color was bright still, which you knew meant that it couldn’t have been very old, but you still can’t remember where it came from. 

You can’t remember how you got it, you can’t remember who gave it to you or why… You can’t remember a goddamn thing, and in that moment an oddly familiar sense of unease sets in. It wasn’t like what you felt during a fight, or when going down an elevator… this unease was different. Deep rooted, yet locked from your view behind a thick green fog.

Another glance around the room settled your racing mind, at least a bit however. You were at Kingsman HQ, in the medical bay to be more specific. And the last thing you could remember was leaving for the mission with Eggsy… you remembered the ride… the kiss… then…

Nothing.

You slid your feet from the covers, placing them to the cool tile before standing fully. It wasn’t hard to do, but your muscles were sore, which let you know you hadn’t been out long. At least there was one positive in a basket full of negatives and unknowns. 

Next came your eyes, they glanced around the space in search of Eggsy. 

He wasn’t there though, and that left a weird feeling in the pits of your stomach; a feeling you didn’t like one bit. You did however notice a chair just next to your bed, with a large blanket so you knew he had been there at some point. That at least made you smile a bit, but still that sickly feeling didn’t stop spreading, so you hugged yourself willing it away; pretending for just a second those arms weren’t yours, but Eggsy’s. 

And as the seconds trickle on, so did your desire to see him. That feeling grew and a long with it another one you didn’t know so well. As you slide your eyes from surface to surface you just can’t shake that feeling that something isn’t right… that something is very wrong. 

But what?

Your fingers drifted to your neck, lightly holding the front… You could almost…

A creek from the door pulled your eyes toward it, and with it any progress you’d made. But you didn’t care, because somehow you knew just who would be on the other side. Your hand slid to hide behind your back, clutching tightly onto nothing at all as if you’d done something wrong; a near guilty expression cascading your otherwise baffled expression. 

Had you done something?

It didn’t matter right then, because Eggsy was here… finally. His eyes glued to the ground as he mumble to his feel. It was obvious he hadn’t taken notice to you yet, and for just a moment you let yourself pretend everything was normal. Those broad arms you wanted to feel again almost desperately were full of snacks, and at the end of a long leash was your dog Prince. 

Eggsy looked just like a fucking dream, one you never wanted to wake from, and all you wanted to do was grab him, hug him and tell him… tell him something…

If only you could remember what…

When Eggsy noticed you there, his stoney expression lightened into the sweetest one you’d seen him wear. Immediately he tossed his armful of food aside, not caring where they land, taking you fully into his arms instead. He was warm, and for just a second that cold feeling dissipated. 

It was perfect… it was home. Yet somehow it felt like time was slipping like coarse sand through your fingers, and you were powerless to stop it. Trying to squeeze your grip tighter and tighter around it, but no matter how tightly you grabbed, you only made it worse. 

_What the fuck happened during that mission?_

Eggsy slid his hand to the back of your neck, his fingers braiding lightly through your hair, and when he looked at you this time his eyes were heavy and burdened. Almost like he was seeing a ghost, or something just as haunting when he looked in to your eyes. Maybe he felt what you did, and that’s why he was looking at you like this…

You were reminded that it wasn’t time to find out when Eggsy kissed you. And thank the bloody universe for that too, because there was little more you wanted than to just feel him against your lips again. But just like everything else thus far, there was a strange taste to it… the tase of familiarity and finality. 

That kiss was hard, impassioned and fucking terrifying. 

It felt just like the one he gave you before the mission you couldn’t remember, and now just like then—whenever then was— it left you with questions. 

One of those questions was how a kiss could be so blissful, yet so daunting, and god did you want to know… but you also knew it wasn’t the time for asking, at least not questions like that. Not questions you somehow knew you weren’t ready to know the answers to. 

For now holding him would be enough. Pretending that everything was alright for just a little while longer... that would be enough. Just feeling him… before… before...

Before what?

“Don’t you ever do that t’me again, d’you understand?” he placed both hands to your face softly, very nearly begging in the way he spoke as his eyes plead silently for a promise he knew you couldn’t give him.

But you smiled your promise anyway, slipping your fingers to the wrists cradling your face affectionately; the pads of your thumb tracing the back of his hand as you lied, nearly believing the words yourself. “I won’t.”

Even Eggsy knew it was a vow you could never keep, but it didn’t stop him from asking you to make it. And for some reason a part of you felt like you already had broke it as strange as that sounds, more than once even. 

Somehow you knew that you’d always be doomed to break it, time and time again.

“Hey, look at me… everythin’s alright now, luv. I got you now, yeah? An I ain' lettin' go.” Eggsy whispered, and whether he was trying to convince you of that or himself, you really didn’t know and figured that was another question for later— or maybe never now that you thought about it. But it brought you a little comfort to know he was trying like he always did. It was nice to know that at last a part of him believed it, even if you weren't sure you did. “You had me worried though, didn’ya?”

“I’m sorry, babe… really I am. But, I can’t…” you squeezed him harder, the pang of guilt once again erupting. Was the guilt from making the man you adored worry or was it due to something else entirely? Again... you didn't know, but at least for now you'd ask questions Eggsy might know the answer to. “What happened?”

“We was hopin’ you'd tell us.” and when he replied this time, you could definitely sense his apprehension building. The disappointment and anxiety seeping off him in light airy waves. For once he was doing a bad job at hiding what was on his mind, and you couldn’t help but pull slightly from his hug to meet his gaze head on. 

“You don’t know?”

Eggsy pushed a sigh out, pressing his lips into a fine line with brows raised light with concern as you asked him that. “You askin’ me? Y/n, you was the one stuffed in that fuckin’ room for six hours.”

Six hours. 

Okay, you had something to go on now. Six hours wasn’t that long… but you weren’t naive, and knew that lot could have happened in that time. Judging by the face Eggsy was now wearing like a poorly set mask, it probably had. 

But you still didn’t know how long you were out for, or how much memory from before your— let’s call it an ‘accident’— happened was lost. 

“I-I… Eggsy, I can’t remember anything.” you confessed feeling that creeping guilt spreading yet again, thick like honey, yet black as tar… and still you can’t fucking figure out why. 

"Merlin'll figure it out," Eggsy pulled you close once again, kissing the top of your head softly. That kiss was different. Different from your usual ardent ones, different from the uneasy one from before that felt just like a goodbye… “It’s all gonna be okay, luv.”

“What if it’s not…” you whispered to his chest, pulling him closer; tighter than before, and if he hadn’t known something was seriously wrong before, he definitely did now. 

You could feel his pulse rising as he run his fingers through your hair at the nape of your neck… you could feel his breath quickening in cadence as he move his chin across your head then place another tender kiss to the top of it… this one longer and sadder than before if you could imagine that. 

You could feel all of this as if they were your own feelings. Hell, maybe they were… but mostly you were filled to the brim with one thing and one thing only.

Fear.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for the angsty bits, but it will end happily I swear! (or will it!?!?!) (it will.)


End file.
